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Shy Bladder: What If I Never Get Better?
I recently received a review of my book, Feeling the Flow: Creating Freedom from Shy Bladder Syndrome, and there was something in it that really struck me.
The person who wrote the review lives with paruresis, or shy bladder syndrome. They shared that they were initially skeptical about reading the book because they were afraid they might read something that would scare them or make them feel even worse about the future.
When I read that, I thought:
I really understand that.
Because when you’ve lived with shy bladder, sometimes even looking for help can feel scary.
You might wonder:
What if I find out this is something I’m going to have forever?
What if I read someone else’s story and it makes me feel worse?
What if I try something and it doesn’t work?
What if there really isn’t a way through this?
When Shy Bladder Becomes Familiar
I lived with paruresis for more than 50 years.
For most of that time, I kept it almost completely hidden.
I didn’t talk about it. I didn’t really look for help. Instead, I found ways to cope with it.
Looking back, I think part of that was fear.
As difficult as living with shy bladder was, it was also what I knew.
I had my strategies.
I knew which bathrooms I could use and which ones I couldn’t.
I knew how to dehydrate before a trip.
I knew how to plan my day around bathrooms.
It wasn’t freedom, but it was familiar.
And sometimes the unknown can seem scarier than what we’ve already learned to live with.
Discovering That Things Could Be Different
That’s why the next part of this reader’s review meant so much to me.
They said that instead of making them feel worse about the future, the book gave them hope and motivation to work on their shy bladder.
And that’s exactly why I wrote Feeling the Flow.
I didn’t write the book because I have some magic answer for shy bladder.
And I certainly don’t believe everyone’s journey is going to look like mine.
I wrote it because for more than 50 years, I believed I was alone.
When I finally reached the point where I said, “I want help,” I began to discover that I wasn’t alone at all.
There were other people who understood what I was experiencing.
There were resources available.
There were people I could talk to.
And perhaps most importantly, I started to see that the future I’d imagined for myself wasn’t necessarily the future I had to live.
The “What Ifs” Can Feel Very Real
I’ve come to understand this much more deeply over time.
We can have an incredible amount of thinking about the future:
What if it never gets better?
What if this gets worse?
What if I can never travel comfortably?
What if I have to live like this forever?
The what-ifs.
In the moment, those thoughts can feel incredibly real.
But they’re not the future.
They’re thoughts about the future.
There’s a big difference.
Today, I live with a freedom around shy bladder that I honestly never believed was possible for me.
That doesn’t mean my story will be everybody else’s story.
But it does mean something important to me:
Things can change.
You Don’t Have to Figure Out Your Future Today
If you’re afraid to look for help, afraid of what you might discover, or you’ve convinced yourself that this is simply how the rest of your life is going to be, I understand.
You don’t have to figure out your entire future today.
Maybe the first step is simply becoming a little curious:
Is what I believe is possible right now actually all that’s possible?
Because the message I want people living with shy bladder to hear more than anything is the same message I hoped they’d find in my book:
You’re not alone.
There is hope.
Freedom is possible.
Watch the Video
In this video, I share more about my own fears about the future, the coping strategies I used for decades, and what I eventually began to see differently.
Want to Learn More?
You can find more of my videos and resources about living with shy bladder syndrome (paruresis) here on my website.
If you’d like to talk with me about your own experience with shy bladder, you’re also welcome to schedule a complimentary conversation.
Educational Notice: The information shared here is for educational and personal development purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, counseling, psychological care, or medical advice. If you have a medical or mental health condition, please seek the guidance of an appropriately licensed healthcare professional.