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Shy Bladder: What If I'm Anxious? Should I Still Try?
If you live with shy bladder syndrome (paruresis), you’ve probably asked yourself this question.
“I’m really anxious right now. Should I even try?”
For years, my answer was no.
If I walked into a public restroom and immediately felt anxious, I took that feeling as a sign that I probably wasn’t going to be able to pee.
Sometimes I didn’t even try.
Looking back, I see something different.
Anxiety Isn’t Unique to Shy Bladder
I still get nervous before I step onto the starting block at a swim meet.
I still get nervous before I run an important meeting.
I still get nervous before I lead a workshop.
But I don’t look at those feelings and conclude that I shouldn’t show up.
In fact, I’ve learned that feeling nervous before something important is often a very normal part of being human.
The anxiety doesn’t decide whether I participate.
I do.
Why Was Shy Bladder Different?
For years, I treated anxiety in a public restroom differently from every other kind of anxiety.
If I felt anxious before speaking…
I spoke anyway.
If I felt anxious before swimming…
I still climbed onto the starting block.
But if I felt anxious walking into a public restroom…
I often treated that anxiety as proof that I shouldn’t even try.
Looking back, I don’t think the anxiety itself was the problem.
It was what I believed the anxiety meant.
Anxiety Doesn’t Always Mean Stop
One of the biggest changes in my own recovery was beginning to question that assumption.
Feeling anxious doesn’t automatically mean something bad is about to happen.
It doesn’t automatically mean you’ll have a no-go.
And it certainly doesn’t mean you’re incapable of making progress.
Sometimes anxiety simply means you’re stepping outside your comfort zone.
Or you’re doing something you’ve found difficult in the past.
Those are very different things.
Maybe You Don’t Have to Wait
For a long time, I believed I needed to wait until I felt calm before I could expect success.
But if I’d waited until I wasn’t anxious before trying to pee in public…
I’d probably still be waiting.
That doesn’t mean forcing yourself.
It doesn’t mean pretending you’re not anxious.
It simply means recognizing that anxiety doesn’t have to make the decision for you.
Sometimes it’s okay to feel anxious…
And try anyway.
Watch the Video
In this video, I share how I eventually stopped treating anxiety in a public restroom differently from anxiety in other parts of my life, and why that shift made such a difference for me.
Want to Learn More?
If you live with shy bladder syndrome (paruresis), I want you to know you’re not alone.
You can find more videos and resources here on my website.
If you’d like to talk about your own experience with shy bladder, you’re welcome to schedule a complimentary conversation.
Educational Notice: The information shared here is for educational and personal development purposes only and is not a substitute for therapy, counseling, psychological care, or medical advice. If you have a medical or mental health condition, please seek the guidance of an appropriately licensed healthcare professional.