What To Do With The Should In Your Head
I experienced a powerful insight recently about the word “should”. I realized I use it a lot with my personal thinking, and it has been creating some seriously negative feelings.
For example:
- “I should be working out more”,
- “I should make more phone calls today”,
- “I should update my Quickbooks”,
- “I should have handled that situation (10 years ago, 5 years ago, 5 minutes ago) differently”,
- “I should be planning more for that future goal I’ve set”.
- “I should do this, I should do that, I should’ve done this, I should’ve done that, blah blah blah…”
Ultimately what I realized is that thinking about the “shoulds” was creating a feeling of anxiety for me. And I’ve spent a lot of my life in the “shoulds”, so this was a hard insight to swallow. But as I started to understand that my thinking about “shoulds” was creating these negative feelings, I started to release these thoughts. I started to give less meaning to these thoughts.
What I’ve come to understand is that when I give less meaning to thoughts, they don’t become real. I don’t have to act on them. I don’t have to give them meaning. Specifically, giving meaning to my “should” thoughts was creating a whole lot of meaning about the past… and the future; neither of which exist. Becoming aware of this understanding has allowed me to come back to the present much more often in my thinking.
We really only have the present moment to work with, and when we are present we can create unlimited possibilities. One present moment at a time. “Shoulds” just hold us back, in my experience.
What do you do with the “shoulds” in your head?
