Continued from (https://michaelrhurd.com/overcoming-my-shy-bladder/)…
I landed in Las Vegas and was excited about the possibilities of experimenting with using public bathrooms in and around the Las Vegas Convention Center. They say practice makes perfect, and with Paruresis recovery, this is particularly important! As you read in my last post, my experiment with using the bathroom on the airplane was a success, using the breath holding technique. Maybe this would work at a busy, public restroom!
So when I was walking through the casino after checking in to my hotel, I decided to give the casino bathroom a try. Prior to this moment, this would be one of the scariest things I could think of trying. But with my newfound (still a little skeptical) confidence, I walked in and saw the lineup of urinals, and noticed it was pretty busy. What a perfect place to practice! I walked up and gave it a try, but it didn’t work. I thought “Oh well”, and I just shrugged it off and walked around the casino some more. Then I decided to give it another “go”. Bingo, it worked. I just had to hold my breath a little longer. Which was not easy because my body really wanted to breathe and I even started gagging for air a little. But I think because I’m a competitive swimmer I knew I wasn’t going to die if I held my breath a little longer. I might pass out, but it was worth trying it out. So I held my breath about 10-15 seconds longer and VOILA! I urinated in a public bathroom in a urinal with other men near me. Holy moly! I might be onto something here!
The next day was the first day of the convention. Normally I would not drink anything, even coffee (or very little coffee… I need my coffee). But I decided to do something different and drink ALOT of water and have a normal cup of coffee. The experts say that fluid intake is important. As is, waiting until your bladder is a 7 or above on a 1-10 scale of “how bad to I have to go?”. I did this and when it came time to use the busy, public bathroom I walked right up to the urinal, did the breath holding technique, and it worked again! And it continued to work every time I went to the bathroom that day!!
That night there was a reception at the new Sphere in Las Vegas, and there were thousands of people attending. Rather than get anxious and nervous, which I usually am before going to a crowded place like that with no private bathrooms, I actually got excited to try out the bathrooms there. Lo and behold I was able to go again. This time I noticed something pretty interesting and amazing. I was able to urinate at a public urinal with many other people around without holding my breath.
The rest of my time in Vegas was super enjoyable and, frankly, a little unbelievable to me. I was completely transformed and felt like a huge weight was lifted. I even started to have fun with trying to find bathrooms that I could not go pee! It only happened once… and then I went back shortly after and was able to go. I also noticed I was starting to be way more present. And the really cool thing was I noticed that other men have no interest in what I am or am not doing in the bathroom. For years I’ve created stories in my head such as:
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I wonder if he’s noticing how long I’m standing here?
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I wonder if anyone is noticing that I’m not urinating yet?
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I wonder if anyone is noticing how noisy (or quiet) I’m being
You get the picture. But what I’ve learned is that NOBODY CARES about me at all when they are in the bathroom. They only care about themselves.
On my trip home I did something I never do in an airport. I drank a large coffee AND an orange juice. And I went pee twice in the airport lavatory. I also drank a large Jamba Juice at the connecting airport. I would never had thought of trying this in the past. I had no fear of going to the bathroom. In fact, I looked forward to it.
To say my life is changed is an understatement. Learning about graduated exposure technique and the breath holding technique has given me confidence that I can go in nearly any situation I find myself in. And, if I can’t it’s no big deal.
After 50 years of struggling, coping and dealing with this condition, I feel I have my life back.
If you, or someone you love, is struggling with a shy bladder, there are some terrific resources available on the following website: https://www.paruresis.org
Also, you can listen to my story here on the We’re Listening podcast.
Feel free to reach out to me as well, and I’m happy to help however I can..
