My Shy Bladder
As I sit on this flight, headed back to Las Vegas, my experience is vastly different than it was 3 months ago. 3 months ago I had been suffering from paruresis for over 50 years. Public bathrooms terrified me. I had completely lost hope that I would be able to ever pee in public. I lived my life coping with a condition I felt I had no control over. Going on trips, going to dinner, ballgames… every situation. Where I may have to use a public restroom caused me stress as I strategized how to deal with it. But a situation that seemed bad in the moment, upon reflection was the best thing that ever could have happened to me. My bladder almost burst on a trip back from Las Vegas. Not really, as I’ve recently learned that bladders can’t burst. But it sure felt like it was going to happen. And because of my anxiety disorder, which I learned is called paruresis, no matter how bad I have to ‘go’, my muscles won’t relax enough for it to work. So I suffered on that flight. And asked god for help. And my wife.
And shortly after that trip, upon doing some internet searches my wife found an organization that was created to help people JUST LIKE ME. Paruresis.org was created to help people with shy bladders recover from their condition. I read the website from front to back and started watching videos and reading books they recommended. I reached out to their executive director, Tim Pyle, and scheduled a 1:1
Zoom meeting with him. Tim is one of the first people in my life who I’ve shared my condition with. And he’s an amazing, compassionate person who has suffered with the same condition as me! It was a very emotional and wonderful experience. After that conversation I jumped right in, and attended my first virtual support group. Which was a place I could share my story, along with listening to many other people tell theirs.
Next I signed up for a virtual workshop. Here I learned a lot about the biology of the bladder and what causes perusesis. And also some techniques that help people recover. Such as graduated exposure and breath holding. Both are explained here in detail:
What has happened since is nothing short of miraculous…
One thing I’ve noticed is my confidence. I started practicing at a local Walmart and although I haven’t gone every time, that’s ok.
This current trip I used an airport restroom and I also went on the airplane! Both are huge accomplishments.
My next test is going at a crowded convention center bathroom. And I’m actually looking forward to the challenge. I’ll provide updates in my next post.
